are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
