No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
