so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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