I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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