OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love you. Go after that dick
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
