Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
