She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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