i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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