Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
