I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
