Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
