i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
