you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
