It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
