i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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