I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
