dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
