he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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