I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
