My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
