He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
