the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
