i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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