He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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