Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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