Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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