So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
