I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
