Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
