I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
