Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
