I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
