Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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