I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
