fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
