so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
