Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I just sharted jello shots
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