We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
