Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
