lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
