yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
