After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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