And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
