he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
