That's intense
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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