my sisters under your porch take her home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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