i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
