so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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