How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
