Kiss
Puke
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
