things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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