Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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