i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He did a backflip because drugs
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