What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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