he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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